Filed under: Boston Red Sox
So after two straight losses to the Yankees, I would certainly rather talk about something else. Even if that means lowering myself to the local gossip chain to discuss Theo Epstein’s recent engagement. Yes that’s right ladies. Sorry to inform you that The Red Sox General Manager and local cult hunk is off the market. Apparently Theo popped the question to long time girlfriend Marie Whitney Sunday night after dinner at Davio’s, an Italian restaurant in Park Square.
To be honest, I am actually not sorry to inform everyone of that. And it has nothing to do with me being genuinely and altruistically happy for him. It has to do with me being sick of women fawning all over Theo and claiming that he is “soooo hot.” It may sound ridiculous and petty, but this actually makes me angry.
Let get some things straight here. Theo Epstein is not hot. Tom Brady is hot. I am comfortable enough with my masculinity that I can say that without it being awkward. Plus I may or may not have a nonsexual man-crush on him. Although that probably has more to do with his jewelry than his looks.
Theo Epstein is no where near Tom Brady level. I would even go so far as to say he is borderline not attractive. In all truthfulness though, if Theo Epstein was your company’s IT guy, there wouldn’t slews of young women drooling over him. Its because he is the General Manager of the Boston Red Sox. And compared to a lot of other Front Office guys in baseball, Theo is younger and more athletic, and thus, perhaps, more handsome in the eyes of many. I am not exactly saying that Theo is Brian Cashman ugly(Lord knows I wouldn’t wish that on anybody), but in Boston Sport’s Most Beautiful People rankings, Theo probably wouldn’t crack my top ten. Not that I have or would make a top ten, because if you didn’t lose respect for me after that then I certainly would. But I think you get my point.
This whole thing just proves that women’s judgment is often skewed by money and power. Not that we didn’t all know this, but this seems to support the theory. [Desperate attempt not to alienate women readers coming in 3..2..1..] Not all women of course. Many are excellent judges of character and truly appreciate a person for who they are. For men, evaluation of attractiveness is different though, which may be why I struggle to understand the “Theo is attractive” pretense. If Lindsay Lohan was your local Dairy Queen cashier, guys would still be attracted to her. It has nothing to do with money or power. If anything, it has to do with availability and the perception of promiscuity. So for someone like Paris Hilton, her allure doesn’t have to do with her bankroll, as much as the fact that she emits the notion that she might just go home with you simply because you have a penis.
I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea here. I love Theo Epstein. I think he is a solid General Manager and I am mostly comfortable with him in charge of the Red Sox personnel(despite egregious mistakes such as Edgar Renteria, trading Arroyo instead of Clement, and shipping Hanley Ramirez and Andy Marte out). I just don’t think Theo is as gorgeous as many Red Sox lady fans believe. So lets just let Theo enjoy his engagement and stop talking about how this is a huge loss to the single and attractive guy pool.
theaveragefan@bostonprosports.com
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