Filed under: Boston Red Sox
So Manny will be late for Spring Training this year. I don’t think anyone should be surprised. I would bet that Manny was voted “most likely to be late for his own funeral” in his high school yearbook. Also did anyone buy into the “Manny is in Florida completing an extensive training regimen and is prepared to have an exceptional season” If by “completing an extensive training regimen” they mean “watching cartoons while eating Fruity Pebbles out of the box with a coloring book and some crayons.” He could also be playing with bugs in the back yard, or microwaving spoons. In any event, as Big Papi will attest to, he is tough to get a hold of. “He doesn’t pick up the phone,” Ortiz said. “I’ve got a better chance of reaching you, and I don’t have your phone number.”
To be honest, I don’t think any of us know what Manny is doing, or where. Except that we know he is probably not doing an extensive training regimen. Considering Manny’s desire to be traded was attributed to some extracurricular marital activity resulting in an unexpected present from Mr. Stork, I could also see Manny on his front lawn with a hand painted booth made out of plywood that said “Baby for sale” with a backwards ‘e’.
Whatever Manny is doing, I think we not that it is not an extensive training program. Unless, as Bronson Arroyo explains, Manny is training to avoid the government. Arroyo is quoted as saying that “On the outside, he’s happy-go-lucky, but on the inside, he’s got a lot of conspiracy theories. I’d say Manny might be one of these guys when he’s 50 years old who might be in his house with all the blinds shut, looking out like the CIA’s after him. You don’t know what’s going on in the interior with him, so you don’t worry about him.” Can anyone else picture Manny in his backyard with a metal pot on his head and a toy gun, crawling around with shifty eyes. In any event, I guess I am not supposed to worry about it. No worries here.
Quick Olympic Bits & Pieces…
Is anyone else having a hard time getting into the Olympics? Not only have I had a hard time, I am starting to count the moments until they are over. I care more about the World Baseball Classic, which just shows you how much I care about the Olympics, because, y’know, I don’t care about the World Baseball Classic at all. So there.
Yeah so also there is this skater in the Olympics and her name is Irina Slutskaya. That’s really her name. Slut-skaya. I really which it where Slutskata because then in a Boston accent it would sound like you were saying Slut-skater only it would come out Slut-skatah. If that was the case and I were in charge of the network airing any figure skating competition with her I would mandate two guys with heavy Boston accents from Somerville or somewhere fill in as the broadcasters for the competition. And every time they wanted to they could just bust out a really loud and long “Slut-skataaaaaaa”. Man that would be funny. It would probably boost the dismal ratings as well. Sometimes I feel like I should be in charge of my own network. It would like combining Spike TV, ESPN, Comedy Central, Spice, and Telemundo all in one. Awesome.
NBA All-Star Leftovers….
Did anyone know that the bulls cheerleaders are called “loveables”. It’s a play on words. As in Love-a-Bulls. Or probably Luv-a-ables, which spelt out like that looks more like a diaper brand. But seriously that’s what they are called. I never knew that. Does anyone else find this hilarious or is it just me?
Can anyone explain these Lebron James family commercials to me? Is that his real family? Where is his mom? And also they all look exactly alike. How come the other ones aren’t playing basketball. The little guy looks like he might play. Why isn’t anyone hyping him up as well? I am confused.
theaveragefan@bostonprosports.com
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