Filed under: Boston Red Sox
10 Reasons Not to Trade Manny
Ok so I know I am the 61,389th person to argue why we shouldn’t trade Manny Ramirez. And I also know that I am probably preaching to the choir. But I couldn’t help myself. Here is a brief list of why Manny should stay in Boston…
10. There’s nothing comparable. The fact that a deal involving Manny for Troy Glaus was even a rumor points to the fact that no one is willing to give up a premier player for the Boston slugger. And please, Miguel Tejada is a great player, but he is no Manny Ramirez.
9. Manny is a pure hitter. With Ken Griffey Jr. constantly plagued by injuries(it seems he’s had more injuries than Whitney Houston), Manny’s swing is quite possibly the prettiest in the game. I mean, I’m pretty sure Peter Gammons masturbates to Manny highlights. He has a pure and natural swing and is arguably the best right-handed hitter in baseball. He makes it look effortless(which, knowing Manny, may not be far from the truth) all while putting up astounding numbers. And the best part, Manny’s like the baseball equivalent to Hi-C Ecto Cooler: 100% juice free(as far as we know – quick everybody knock on wood before Manny goes out and does something stupid). Which means there is less of a chance that his numbers are going to decline in the near future. In this emerging steroid-free era, a pure hitter is going to be an incredibly valued commodity(not that $160 million isn’t valued right now but you get my point).
8. He gives us something to talk about. Its not that Manny pumps the Bonnie Raitt tune in his car on the way to Fenway each day(which is really to funny think about), he’s just, well, Manny being Manny. And in a town that craves gossip, headlines, and constant stimili from its sports franchises(much of the reason a clown like me can get a sports blog in the first place), Manny provides that desperately needed conversation starter, minor degree controversy, or just plain ol’ chuckle.
7. It’s not the Red Sox. Manny has cited personal problems as his motives for really really wanting a trade this year. Some sources have even attributed it to female issues. The fans adore him, he has a manager that caters to him, and he is getting a front office that can afford to pay him. That’s not the problem and Manny will be the first to tell you that. Unfortunately, Manny being Manny may have inadvertently created another little Manny(its going to be tough to pick a name since Manny Jr. and Mannilito are both taken), only not from his wife. It seems more and more like that is the reason Manny wants out. In the words of George Jetson’s dog Astro: Rut-Roh.
6. Intangibles. Ok so we know about Manny’s numbers, but what else does he bring to the table? Manny’s laid back attitude and harmless shenanigans are an integral part to keeping a clubhouse loose and relaxed through the duration of a 162 game season. If any team with Manny on it even thought about taking itself too seriously it would be sorely mistaken. I think players of Manny’s temperament are especially important in a city like Boston where there is a constant and intense pressure to produce. I mean think about it, we could have Manny’s polar opposite, Milton Bradley(ew).
5. He does this every year. I mean seriously, has there been a year in Boston when Manny hasn’t requested a trade? I take him about as seriously as the Bruins Front Office.
4. The Petition. Over 63,000 Red Sox fans have signed a petition to keep him. In a town that would tar and feather some of their professional athletes if it were legal, it shows he’s got to be doing something right (see keepmanny.com).
3. We love him. I mean what other sports figure could take a personal potty break in the middle of a pitching change to relieve himself into a Snapple bottle inside of the Green Monster(all while some Quasimoto of the Monster score board looks on in disbelief) and STILL have the Fenway Faithful pleading to keep him and his outrageous contract in Boston? Well the answer to this is only Manny. Could you imagine catching Jason Varitek, Paul Pierce, or even Tom Brady doing this? They’d be committed on the spot. They would have six states convinced that they were spraying bathroom air fresheners up their nose during pre-game warm-ups. Not Manny though. He gets 3 million people to put their hands on their stomach and exert a brief chuckle while saying “Oh Manny, he’s so silly sometimes”. This guy is one of a kind.
2. Protection for Papi. If this isn’t one of the biggest reasons I don’t know what is. With all due respect to the uncrowned MVP of the AL, Papi probably wouldn’t be Papi without Manny. They’re a baseball version of Tony Kornheiser and Mike Wilbon. Yeah, they could exist successfully without each other, but they just seem to make each other better. I guess thats like Tom & Jerry too though. Whatever they are, they are also the best 3-4 combo in baseball, hands down. Considering that Papi is already one of the most clutch hitters in the league after only two seasons, and that Boston had the 2nd and 3rd (officially anyways) Most Valuable Players on their team, its well worth preserving that 1-2 punch.
1. .314, .409, .599 career. He also happened to be top 10 in the AL in Runs and OBP., and top 5 in SLG(.594), OPS(.592), Home Runs(45), and RBI(144). Oh, and he was 3rd in MVP voting. Do we need any other reasons?
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